Thursday, January 2, 2014

Mother Nature's Acid Reflux

[Mother Nature, aka "MN" visits her celestial general practitioner.]

Doctor:  Mother Nature, what's going on?

MN:  It's back, Doctor.  My acid reflux has returned.

Doctor:  Hmm, so that explains the havoc we've seen on earth.

MN:  I can't help myself.  Now, things seem a little out of control.  It all started with the fires in Australia  (see here).  I tried to put them out with some torrential rain, but my aim's been off and I wound up flooding Scotland (see here).

As the re flux grew, I figured I'd try to take a dose of some cold weather (here), but I forgot to close the Arctic's gate which led to extreme cold and some pretty strong words from the Canadians.  Folks in Minnesota aren't too happy either.

Doctor:  I see.

MN:  That's only the tip of the iceberg.  I thought my stomach had settled.  Actually, I felt better. Until...

Doctor:  Until...

MN:  Yes, it gets worse.  You see, I got a little rattled (see here).  I think it may be gall stones or the Canary Islands, I can't figure it out.  I felt as though my blood boiled and I suffered a bout of nausea right around Nicaragua  (and here).

Doctor:  So, what did you take for that?

MN:  Well, with all the upset, it's been a constant battle.  Cold, extreme cold, ice to no avail.  I'm losing my touch.  No more serene winter tableau, no more shots of sandy South American beaches with gentle waves.  I'm telling ya, I don't know what's gotten into me.  (She coughs).  What else am I supposed to do?  I can't control myself which leads to some pretty extreme measures.

Doctor:  Such as...

MN:  Well, if I were you I'd avoid the east coast of the United States today.

Doctor:  Why is that?

MN:  I'm sending them a Blizzard.  Hopefully, that'll make me feel better.


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