Sunday, June 23, 2013

Deja Vu With A Twist

Good morning,

Reviewing my blog entries for the past few months I realized there weren't any.  While I kept up with my journaling, this poor little blog stood neglected.

Mom did come home after her rehab and she began to walk better with the assistance of a physical therapist; however, that status did not last long.  She has a condition that returns with reckless abandon   resulting in confusion and the risk of falls.

To make a long story short she returned to the rehab facility with a dire prognosis.  Doctors have determined that she has a matter of months.  Nothing can be done.  (Now where have I written that before?)  So, after more sleepless nights and a swimming in a river of indecisiveness, I took her home with, wait for it, Hospice keeping my back and hers.  I could have placed her in a facility where she'd get round the clock care.  She wanted to be home.  In this house her wish has always been my command.

Some days she lucid.  Most days she's doesn't know who I am.  Some days the fear overwhelms me.  Other days, I stare the fear down.  As they say in emergency management, "The situation remains fluid."

My little dog "Dickens" has joined our care team.  When Mom's particularly confused, he lays in the bed with her, licking her hand as if to say, "Let's get our minds off our problems and play."  She laughs and appears to genuinely enjoy this playtime.  Some days she accuses him of biting her, but that's an emerging memory from long ago.  Dickens hasn't been trained as a Canine Companion,  but he naturally picks up her vibe, dispensing cuddles and kisses to distract her.

These days are precious.  Fear and the fear of what the future holds have no room in our lives right now.

At least that's what I keep telling myself.  The challenge being I've got to believe it from the depths of my soul.  I'm working on it.

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