Sunday, July 21, 2013

The Man Who Loved Me

Today's a very special day.  One of celebration, gratitude, and love.  I think it's fitting that this day falls on the first day of the week because I have a new way of life, new hopes, and aspirations.

The man I'm writing to you about came from very humble beginnings.  He came into the world as the second oldest and the family grew to a family of 15, including parents.  All his brothers and sister have unique attributes and gifts, but this one, my man, could only be called "the special one."  This man and I were married, very much in love, and verily I tell you, soul mates.  The man who loved me was born today.

The day we met he sported aviator sunglasses and I wore a clavicle collar as a result of a horseback riding accident.  He looked much better in his eye wear than I did in my sling.  I gotta say entering into a relationship of any kind did not cross my mind.  He had asked me out a few times for coffee, but my school work mattered most to me.  No way.  Eventually, I said yes and that, as they say, was that.  I fell in love, continued with my education, but I didn't think we'd last.  You see Frederick was a Harley Guy and I was an Equestrian.  Never the t'wain shall meet.  He often remarked that we came from two different worlds.

I never understood our relationship.  I still don't.  I never understood why he fell in love with me. Why did he believe in me?  I believed in him wholeheartedly.  He liked risk.  Thrived on it.  When we met I didn't have a job.  He kept telling me I shot too low in my job search.  "Damnit, aim higher!"  One night he told me about a job at the local television station that he'd seen in the paper.  He wanted me to apply.  I did on a lark.  I got the job.

Our relationship traveled this course and whenever he saw something he thought I'd like, he'd prepare a nice dinner and we'd talk.  He came from a business background.  He had owned a restaurant and knew how tough people could be.  I came from a book background and, well, totally clueless.  My time in the military made adjusting to television difficult.  Sure, I had the discipline, but dealing with a bunch of creative folks who I admired turned me into a mouse.  For about a month, I'd come home dejected as I had run into yet another ego run amok.  One night he had had enough.  He said, "You have just as much talent as they do.  Get mad.  The next time XX gives you "sh(*t, get mad.  Slam those scripts down and let him have it."  I did.  It worked.

Little by little I let my inner child crept out of the closet.  I began to have fun and get noticed leading to more demanding assignments.  I loved each and every one of them. Telling him about my day became the highlight of my day.  I still remember his smile as if he'd known all along.

Back in 1989, he suffered two massive heart attacks, but survived.  Frederick insisted he'd work again and he did until he couldn't.  I believed this man could scale Everest with his drive and determination.  I told him he'd start another business.  I believed he could be whatever he wanted to be, so he went back to school.  Unfortunately, his health got in the way forcing him to withdraw.  He loved his math courses.

Life morphed from future aspirations to the daily aspirin.  Throughout his illness his love drove me to work harder and better in order to spend more time with him.  He never wanted to see me worried.  We started to take vacations, to talk about his wishes should he predecease me, and I'd chase that issue away.

Finally on March 9, 2002, Frederick passed away due to surgical complications.  Nothing's felt the same since that day until today as I realized what a special and sacred gift the heavens had sent me.  What a remarkable gift!  Frederick was my lover, husband, teacher, best friend, and protector throughout our lives together.  He taught me to stand up for believe in be myself.  I no longer feel that he has been taken away from me, rather I feel as though he completed his job and can now rest.  He needed it after dealing with me.

So with deep gratitude and infinite love, I wish you, Frederick, a Happy Birthday!  I miss you, love you and delight in the day you were born.  I'm gonna celebrate!  Hope you are, too!

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